They Arrested Aunt Becky and I Won’t Stand for It

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/felicity-huffman-arrested-warrant-issued-for-lori-loughlin-following-college-scam/ar-BBUGMFW?ocid=spartanntp#image=1

I’m livid folks. Livid. They’ve crossed the line this time and I won’t stand for it. You do not arrest Aunt Becky for sending her two daughters to college. Was it the best idea to bribe the school half a million dollars to have her daughters accepted as crew recruits, a sport in which they do not participate? That’s not for me to judge. What I will tell you is that this is how the world works. Some people just have a distinct advantage over others. It was that way yesterday, it’s that way today, and it’ll be that way tomorrow.

The most important thing I learned in school was that “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. That’s usually just a saying I’d repeat when I did poorly on a test I didn’t study all that hard for, but my dad and a lot of professionals seem to agree so that must count for something. In this case, Bella and Olivia Giannulli happen to know their parents, both of whom are very, very rich.

Anyway, there’s no reason for the US government to drag Lori Loughlin through the mud like this. She wanted her baby girls to go to college and she got her baby girls to college. If you’ve spent more than 6 minutes on a college campus you know that about 30% of the students don’t really deserve to be there, so I doubt anyone really got screwed by this. Honestly, the US government should be going after the schools if anything. They’re the ones allowing this tomfoolery. Shocking that a big name university with successful sports teams would be caught in a predicament like this, I know.

PS: Aunt Becky was the first one for me. My fellow males know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not sure if the ladies have this, but guys have all had a discussion about who the first girl was that made you realize you like girls and wouldn’t mind getting some of her cooties. Picture little Tim home on a weekday after school on the couch still in my uniform (I went to Catholic School for 9 years, shoutout to JC) hammering home a Little Debbie’s Nutty Bar while simultaneously pumping myself full of insulin and tuning in to Full House on ABC Family, and Aunt Becky appears on screen. Suddenly, I realized that women would be a real problem through my life. So God Bless Aunt Becky and lets hope justice is served.