The Boston Bruins kick off their season tonight in Dallas. After a disappointing end to last season that still makes me want to vomit, I’m ready to get my adorable little heart broken again. People outside the city of Boston may think it’s easy rooting for our teams. 12 championships in 20 years is unheard of across the 4 major sports, so we’re labeled as spoiled. I’d say it’s the heaviest cross to bear, as we expect a championship every season. There isn’t a single city in the world that can relate to that, so pick up your violin and play us a tune. Thank you.
Despite the looming Stanley Cup hangover, which is very real and no amount of Pedialyte in the world can abstain, I expect another deep run out of this Bruins team. So kick back and enjoy this idiot’s breakdown of how they’ll get back to the parade route in the 617 area. Or a season preview. Or….idk what this is I just have a lot to say and it’s my blog so here we go.
The Division
Luckily for the Bruins they’re in a very tough division. At the bottom, we have Detroit and Ottowa. Lol. The only thing they’ll be winning this year is the draft lottery. Maybe.
In the middle is Florida and Buffalo. Both could surprise some in the standings, although I don’t think they have the firepower to be a real threat just yet. They have enough young talent to be interesting but I’d be surprised to see either in the playoffs. While I think Montreal is better than these two, I don’t expect much of a splash out of them either. I don’t like Claude’s slow it down, win games 1-0 system he can’t seem to get away from. They do have Carey Price, who is always a threat to dominate and drag his team to a wild card spot, but with the Metro division as strong as ever it’ll be tough for them to squeak in, much like last year.
Last year the Lightning, Bruins, and Maple Leafs finished 1, 2, and 3 in the Atlantic and I expect them all to be in the top 3 again. Toronto is absolutely loaded with talent like Morgan Reilly, Austin Matthews, John Travares, and recently super rich boi Mitch Marner. Their defense has been a huge issue the past few seasons but a blockbuster summer trade of Nazim “I can’t stop getting suspended in the first round against the Bruins” Kadri for defenseman Tyson Barrie should help their blueline.
I expect the Tampa Bay Lightning to go on the biggest “fuck you” tour we’ve seen since Spygate. After a record setting season in terms of points, the Bolts were swept out of the first round by the Columbus Blue Jackets. Luckily, the Blue Jackets lost anyone of note this offseason because no one, not even the Russians, could stand breathing the Columbus air for another second, so their boogeyman won’t be back in the playoffs to end their season again. The Tampa roster is so loaded top to bottom that the only flukey thing about them last year was getting swept out of the playoffs by the 8 seed. Call your bookie and put down a car payment on the Bolts.
Now the Bruins. The B’s didn’t really lose much this offseason. Noel Accari left for Florida and Marcus Johannson joined the Sabres. MoJo would’ve been a nice guy to have back as he and Charlie Coyle were the best two players on the ice most of the playoff run, but he was simply too expensive to keep.
Things I’d Like to See
For the love of God can we please give David Krejci a right winger. Maybe one with a name that sounds like Mavid Masterknuck? I’ve been a bit disappointed with Krejci for a few years now but fuck, the guy has been playing with talent equivalent to your local over 40 men’s league on Tuesday nights. Would be nice for him to get Pasta on his wing for more than a handful of games, Bergeron and Marchand will be just fine without him.
There’s a few guys I need to take leaps this season. I love me some Jake Debrusk, but his postseason performance last year was simply unacceptable. In his third season I expect to see a much more consistent game from him. Should be a huge boost for #46 as well.
Brandon Carlo and Charlie McAvoy both signed bridge deals (thank Jesus) a few weeks ago. These guys should be the number 1 and 2 defenseman moving forward. Carlo is your classic stay at home defenseman, which the Bruins will need with an aging Chara. McAvoy is the guy I need to see step into a superstar role this year. He’s good enough defensively and has the offensive talent to become a top 5 defenseman in the league, it’s time to show it. He can start by shooting the puck more. For the love of God imagine having an incredible talent and just passing on it? It’s like putting Gordan Ramsey in a McDonald’s kitchen. Not to be the “SHOOT THE PUCK” guy but, shoot the fucking puck Charlie.
I’d love to see Anders Bjork do something, anything this year. He’s had some tough luck with injuries but when he’s been up with the big club and healthy he’s left a lot to be desired. I remember seeing him play at BC his senior year and I thought oh boy the Bruins may have something here. I think that’s the last time I’ve had a Bjork in my shorts. I’d like to have that feeling again this year. Do it for me, Anders. I believe in you.
David Backes actually looked kinda good in preseason! I hope to god Backes can provide more than fighting, which is pretty much what he has to resort last year. His brain is Market Basket applesauce as it is. Plus, his contract is fucking awful, so if he can get off to a hot start maybe the Bruins can unload him before the trade deadline.
The Bruins have a TON of NHL caliber defenseman on hand. McAvoy, Chara, Carlo, Miller, Krug, Moore, Gryzelyk, Clifton, Kampfer, and maybe Vaakanainen, to be exact. That’s 10 guys to fill 6 spots a night. I’d like to see coach Bruce Cassidy shuffle all of these guys in throughout the year. As I mentioned above, the Stanley Cup hangover is real (especially if you crush your fanbase and lose it). I think it would be smart to give some guys a few nights off throughout the year. The legs feed the wolf after all. If anyone wants to give Bruce my number, feel free.
We’re not going to argue over Tuukka Rask today. The man was an animal in the posteason last year. His team let him down in game 7. You can hear all about how he wasn’t the best goalie on the ice that night and I’ll tell you to take your Boston sports radio goggles off. Brad Marchand hung him out to dry on the second goal in game 7. The first goal was a tip in the high slot that you can’t expect a goalie to get a good read on, that’s why it’s such a great play. Not to mention the Bruins had no less than 45,000 chances that period and they scored on how many of them?
Yup. Zero. So shove your “Tuukka Rask stinks, he’s no Tim Thomas” comments up your kiester.
Anyway, I’ll probably be wrong on everything. What I’m not wrong about is Tyler Seguin is a beautiful human being and a great hockey player. Wish the Bruins could get their paws on someone like that (Get it? Bruins are a bear who have paws and they did, in fact, have Tyler Seguin. I crack myself up). It’ll be nice to see him play so early in the season, even if he’s in the wrong colors. So Bruins, no pressure or anything, but if you don’t win the last game of the year next June I’ll probably fall into black hole of sadness. Again.
The Locker Room 